Initial Impressions: Trials HD

Well I thought I would finally give Trials HD a whirl after hearing how good it was from some of my buddies a while ago. I was expecting something along the lines of "Joe Danger" except with a more realistic look. I have to say though that I was left a bit disappointed. I will admit that I only tried the first 4-5 levels of the game so it could be a case of just needing to spend a bit more time with the game to see it at its best.

With that being said though sometimes you only need to spend 5 minu

tes playing to know if your going to like a game; and if that's the case then Trials HD is something that I feel is cold and lacking soul. If you have the choice of playing either Joe Danger or Trials HD then it has to Joe Danger every time. It is a shame though as I really wanted to like Trials HD as it does kind of remind me of the old Spectrum game Kick Start. (And the much improved sequel Kick Start 2) Yet it feels like a step backwards in time and not in a good way.

Trials HD is a simple game that wouldn't be out of place on a compilation with any of the games you used to play back in the day and enjoyed. You know the type I mean, the ones that were fun once but if you played them today you would think "Wow this game is so crap, how the heck did I used to enjoy this shit!" Trails HD is a Marmite game, (You either like it or you don't) and for me this is one game I wish I didn't bother playing, whether that will change when I next try it will be another matter, but for now I have to say I doubt it.

HDD Epic Fail!

You know how it is, you have bits of information (photo's, music, spreadsheets, films and so on) all over the place on your computer, external drives, DVDs and pen drives. So you think I know I will just buy a large external drive and move all the shit that's everywhere all onto it so everything is all safe in one place. So about 3 months ago I decided to do just that and bought myself a 1TB Verbatim external drive (with USB 3.0 even though I don't have anything with 3.0) and started to move everything on to it.

Early on Sunday morning I connected my HDD to my PS3 as there was an old film I wanted to watch, once I had finished I decided to reconnect my HDD to the PC and put some photos that had been taken over the previous 2 weeks on there; only I couldn't as upon connecting the drive to my PC it decided to show me that the drive had no folders on there.


Upon checking that the folders weren't being hidden as the properties clearly stated that 400gig was still in use I started scratching my head. I then started checking all the obvious things and even at one point plugged the drive back into the PS3 thinking that may fix the problem. (Dumbass mistake I know) Finally I downloaded all sorts of drive recovery programs and tried them one after the other only to find none of them worked. All the contents of the HDD were lost and I had no way of getting them back, so basically I have lost around 10 years of photo's, all the mp3's ripped from my Cd's that I can only replace if I spend about 3 weeks remaking (and even then I have to grab them from my dads loft) as well as many other things that I have worked on.

To say I was gutted is an understatement, maybe I should have just left everything all over the place instead of trying to find an easier storage solution and actually knowing where everything was. One thing that I have learnt though is that it doesn't matter what make of HDD you buy as technology will fuck you over every chance it gets and cause as much misery as possible.

E74 Error? Microsoft Can Suck My Balls!

So my 360 which I had repaired only 2 and a half months ago has broken yet again giving me the E74 error. I am now at the point where I have to truly consider if buying a new 360 is worth it, you see since the release of the 360 I have bought 6 different models which have all broken down apart from one. (Which is at my dads for when any of the kids go to visit him or he wants to play Burnout) I have had everything from the 3 red lights to other problems as the 360's just kick the bucket one after the other eventually. So as it stands if my 360 can't be repaired again as part of the 3 month warranty I got with the last repair then I will be throwing it in the trash.


So just why don't I but a new 360 to go along with the 100+ games I own for the system? Well for one reason the new 360's have a different HDD so I can't just put my old one on and carry on with games I were part way through playing. Sure I can probably get a transfer kit and spend about 2 days transferring everything over from one drive to another, but why the hell should I? I know a few people that still have the same 360 they bought years ago; but I also know a lot more who have had trouble and replaced their consoles numerous times. I know more than likely I will end up getting another 360 eventually, it just pisses me off that system after system just keeps breaking while my Snes from the 90`s still works without any problems.

Initial Impressions: Muchi Muchi Pork! & Pink Sweets

Muchi Muchi Pork!

Cave have decided to release two of their Shmup's in one pack, the first game we are going to take a look at is Muchi Muchi Pork! Apparently Muchi Muchi is a greeting on the phone so loosely translated the title is Hello Pork!) So just what does a game called Hello Pork! entail? Well basically you blow the crap out of everything in sight.

In Muchi Muchi Pork! the basic aim of the game from what I can tell is to basically free all the pigs that have been captured and stored on board enemy ships and vehicles. Shooting one of the ships sees a pig with a parachute appear on screen which upon seeing my son said "Are those pigs with parachutes? You don't half play some crap!" which I have to admit is the case some of the time, but every now and then crap looking games deserved to be played. (E.D.F. and Onchanbara: Bikini Zombie Squad being two of them)


As far as weapons go you have your standard gun which with a few upgrades adds a wide shot to do more damage. Then you also have a type of grinder that shoots out from the front of your ship (each one different depending on which you choose) which grinds the ships and pigs into large chunks of meat for some reason.

As far as shooters go this game isn't to bad an overall experience, yet I have to say that the sound while playing isn't worth a shit though, luckily enough though you are to busy shooting everything in site to care about it. Graphically the game isn't amazing to watch, yet while playing you hardly notice with all the pig catching action. As shooters go this is probably one of the more easier games to play and as such is ideal for beginners to the genre.

Pink Sweets

Cave 's other shooter in this pack is again another shmup that is slightly harder than Muchi Muchi Pork! (at least it seems to be after playing the two games one after the other) The storyline in this game I have no idea about. The game is just as mental as Muchi Muchi Pork! only for different reasons. (The bosses seem to be scantily clad girls in giant robots for some reason)


While being a bit mental the game looks a lot more like a shooter that you could have played back in the day at any holiday/seaside resort arcade. This game is probably my least favourite of the 2 games in the pack if only for the reason that I felt like I had played the game a million times before. That is one of the stigma's of the Shmup genre though as a lot of the games do seem to be to similar for some players. (Myself included at times) Lets break it down Shmups are normally either top down, side scrolling or both, (3d doesn't count in my book as most 3d Shmups suck) and that really does put a lot of people off playing these types of games as you would do say a generic platform game or halo medal of duty clone number 67.

With that being said though Pink Sweets is still a solid Shmup and is definitely worth taking a look at. (especially considering that the game comes in this double pack) Cave are known as the best in the business in the Shmup genre these days and with good reason as they create solid shmup after shmup. (Yes they are that good) So just what makes Pink Sweets a great game? Well er.. nothing really it is just another quality example of how a Shmup should be.

Long story short is this double pack worth your money to import from play-asia or somewhere else? Well if they were seperate games then I would say no, as a double pack? er.. probably still no until the price comes down a bit or your fanatical about Shmups as £57 is a bit steep in my book even if it does include basic shipping. (Plus all the text is in Japanese to further put more gamers of purchasing) Muchi Muchi Pork! and Pink Sweets are both great solid examples of the Shmup genre, it's just a shame so many people will never experience the games.

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Initial Impressions: Deathsmiles

It seems like an eternity since I last played a shoot 'em up like Deathsmiles, for some reason this genre of game is very hit and miss with gamers. I always think back to the 80's-90's arcade scene whenever I hear the word shmup, with games like Gradius, Pow 'n Twinbee and R-type probably being some of my favourite games of the genre.


Deathsmiles however fits into the category of pretty f'n weird Japanese shooters, (at least that's where I would put it) yet despite that Deathsmiles is pretty fun and shouldn't be overlooked. One thing that I like about this game is that before starting each stage is that you can pick the difficulty level, so if your finding that the game is a bit to easy you can always up the difficulty level. Cave have really catered for the newbies to the shmup genre. Which is good as it makes the game a lot more accessible than say Ikaruga and won't put people off playing other shmup's.

Deathsmiles features a storyline which I didn't really pay any attention to until the end. Basically 4 girls (selectable characters) who are all friends, have been trapped in another world and are trying to stop some dude from connecting the world they are trapped in to the Demon world. As far as the storyline go it does make a change to the usual crap about fighting off invaders from out of space. (It's probably just a matter of time until we get a storyline about a sperm being ejaculated from a penis and fighting your way to fertilize an egg in one of the more crazy Japanese shmup's)

Spanning about 8-9 stages this game will take about an hour and a half to 2 hours per play through. (although I could be wrong as I just put it on and played until completion without looking at the time) Graphically the game doesn't look to shabby (although it is hard at times to keep up with everything happening on screen as you switch direction to shoot the enemies) Cave have made a pretty good game with Deathsmiles, and the Pal version has been updated with extra modes and tweaks to the original 360 Japanese version. (That originally saw a release around 2-3 years ago)


Deathsmiles while being cheap (£17.99 from play.com) may not hold your attention for more than a day here and there. Especially in today's climate where games are mainly just thrown to one side rather than replayed more than a few times like back in the day, So for these reasons you may want to give the game a rent rather than a purchase. Although if you do like it please purchase the game so we may see other Shmup's being released in the future, and also to show your support for Cave and all the work they do.

Games You Should Avoid: Fit & Fun

Yeah! another keep fit style of game for the Wii, I was starting to panic that we didn't have enough shovel ware games. Luckily Nintendo's strict quality control no longer exists as shite game after shite game appear on the Wii. Long gone are the days when games on a Nintendo system should at least be playable and fun. You know games such as Metroid, Uni Rally, (Uni-racers for Americans) Blast Corps and many others.


Gamers don't want to play the latest games like Bulletstorm, gamers want more games like Fit & Fun. You can't beat all your mates coming around to your house for a party and putting the Wii on and playing something like Fit & Fun in your underpants. We gamers come in all different sizes (different being from podgy to wow now that's a fat ass) and lets face it we don't eat all that shitty food while gaming for no reason at all. Gamers need more calories than non-gamers so we can play C.O.D. for that 15 hour session while shouting "Ima gonna kill you fags" to our fellow gamers.

You wish you could look this good!

Lets face it your never going to look like thew woman on the box no matter how much you play the game for a few reasons.

1. Gender realignment isn't cheap
2. You probably will need a lot of expensive plastic surgery
3. The only chance of you getting an ass like hers is if you attack her in the middle of the night, and mount her over your mantle piece with her ass sticking out
4. She isn't even all that good looking as far as fitness trainers go.
   
5. She is flatter than a 10 year old boy
   
6. Exercise is fucking boring
7. You probably don't even own a Wii and if you do it's sat collecting dust
8. That's probably you in the above picture, and lets face it you can't polish a turd
   

So for those reasons I think you should avoid Fit & Fun on the Wii, hell just avoid it as a protest to all the shovelware that's being released these days.