I thought it would be pretty funny to do an intro before the interviews as a character i like to call Caveman Gamer.
Caveman gamer is basically your average generic asshole male gamer that has the mind set stuck in the days of old. As a result his opinion is women should not be allowed to work, leave mans stuff alone and should concentrate on being a good little housewife and run around after him all day. I actually enjoyed pushing the character and trying to come up with these, although i also found them very challenging as well. Especially as I've been writing the majority of them just after I've formatted the interviews ready to post up straight away.
The results have been mixed, but i got told that some were very funny which was one of the main points of them in the first place, and i also have been told by a few people that i was an asshole. That is until they actually found out it was all just a joke and not my real opinion. So for your amusement heres the ones that i have written so far.
It turns out that we have a problem, no longer are females happy to sit at home baking cakes and having children. First they wanted to vote, then jobs of their own where they get treated equal like a male. (Pretty horrifying so far isnt it, but wait it gets worse, a whole lot worse) Now they want to invade our internetz and play our games.
Well after yesterdays set of interviews i thought the best way to calm down would be to hop on the 360 and play a game or two. So i powered on the 360 and put Dynasty Warriors Gundam in the drive and away i went . The game is about men in big giant robot suits battling to the death to save or destroy mankind or something like that. So surely its going to be a testosterone filled game with lots of violence so you thought i would be happy playing it, and i was really enjoying playing it.
Well i was enjoying the game until i found out that they have women piloting the mechs as well who also cheat and destroy my mech with a few cheap shots. As if women can pilot mechs they can`t even drive cars, so once again females managed to ruin my gaming experience.
I would like to retract my statement about females not being needed in games. I have come to realise what a vital role they play in the gaming landscape. Without Peach and Daisy Mario would have never had a inferior human being to rescue, and the franchise may never have changed the landscape of gaming to getting to the point as we know it today. There would be nobody to come last in Mario Kart. No boobs to stare at while playing Dead Or Alive and no Lara Croft`s ass to stare at as she crawled through tight spaces. So we do indeed need females in games if only to show how inferior they are and to oggle while playing games.
Most of you will agree that Goldeneye was one of the best games on the Nintendo 64, there is a reason why this is true, you played as James Bond a secret agent who is known for his kick ass skills as a spy. It was a case of right character at the in the right game. But what would happen if you replaced James Bond with a female character and set the game in th future? Well you would get Perfect Dark which despite its biggest failing of featuring a female character was rescued by Rare`s ability to make great games, it was a lucky break and as i said back then it was a big mistake for them to use a female in clearly a males role. Luckily time proved me right when they tried to emulate the success with Joanna Dork like they had the first time around. This ended up with a really bad game and storys saying Rare was finished. The game would have been so much better if it had a male character in the role instead, girls shooting guns? Dont make me laugh, its bad enough that they think they can drive, they really shouldn`t be encouraged anymore than they have been already.
Well i have had nothing but complaints about my intro the other day. I'm not sure exactly why, surely you should be happy that i finally admitted that we need females in games. I find it quite shocking that the females out there have time to read an intro and complain. When you know deep down that you should be doing the cleaning and cooking. Since some of you don't know how to be a good housewife, i think it is about time that you learned some of the basics. So put the pads down, click this link read it and then get back into the kitchen where you belong.
Well today you will all be glad to know that yet again I went out of my way to prove that females can't play games. Yesterday I got a link of someone saying you need to watch the skills of some female player on Guitar Hero 3, I don't know that I have ever heard of a female Guitar Hero player before either. I'll admit she wasn't half bad, she was all bad. So I thought, "I know ill dig out the old axe and give it a dust off to see if i still have my mad skills". And you know what...I was bringing the house down. As I shredded to Through the Fire and Flames with no trouble at all, I jumped up in the air doing an amazing scissor kick and unfortunately, my landing was slightly off and I ended up smashing through the coffee table. So not only did I beat her score, I also demolished a table in the process. Further proof that males not only play games better but also rock out better and harder as well.
Well since you females out there are continuing to play games i have some great news for you. Since Cooking Mama, the hi-tech cooking aid to teach women the world over how to cook was such a success, news has just hit the press sites that a follow up is on the way. Yes thats right yet another teaching game is on its way just for you females. So coming this fall to consoles everywhere is Cleaning Mama, with activites such as vacuuming, polishing and all other general household duties that you all should be doing.
Well i hope you enjoyed them, if not meh screw you guys.
:p
